Oh my goodness look at what the local alley cat has written to Santa !
Dear Santa
I do deserve all my toys, I know you’ve had to make some gnomes reduntant this year and your sack has shrunk but I can help you feel like a real man again let’s keep the macho trident – cut the other cat’s toys instead, who needs health and affordable transport anyway.
Yours sincerely
Bad Cat
I’ve been to some parties there were lots of games. I’ve had a great time, I met a man called David he was bit of a party pooper as he kept us hanging around when we needed him to play the part of Brucie in The Generation Game …. all he had to say was ‘And the Scores on the Doors are …. ‘ he was very shy didn’t say much ….
Dear Govt, I apologise for not being able to make my original planned cut as my paws cannot cope with tying a tourniquet that itself has had it’s official 25% cut of course. Following a feasability study I’ve decided my contribution will be met by sending you 25% of my toys … the blue and yellow twin toys most fitting for the purpose I think. I hope this is acceptable. Yours sincerely Bronte, the cat.
I heard on her radio that the government says that to save the economy everyone has to make a 25% cut …. ok I’ll do my bit but which leg don’t I need ….. well if the country has to hobble I think it’s only fair I do my bit.
Image from Craig Orndoff's Blog
I’m staying up right here till the Obama puppy learns the real meaning of Special Relationship is not he barks and I obey ….
I’m trying to hide under her bed where I’ve stashed a secret supply of Whiskers, cat collars, cat nip, toys, treats, medicines, clean water, mobile phone, lap top, my vet, my vet nurse … In fact I can’t get under the bed for all the supplies I’ve packed away to help me survive poverty, drought, hunger, disease, corruption, poor infrastructure and unstable government.
Go one admit it you’re impressed, I broke into my sleep sleep eat more sleep routine to go out for a walk. Here’s how it went I stood by the door and mewed ‘Let me out human, now’ … she gets my collar and her keys and catches up with me at the glass door of the block … she puts the collar on me and holds open the door. I take a few steps out … she shuts the door, looks out and sees me standing there looking at her ‘Let me in human, it’s windy and damp out here’. She let’s me in, closes the door and looks at me, ‘Don’t rush me human, I might have been a bit hasty perhaps I should go out for some air …… yes, I’ll do that ……. no actually I’m not going to, ‘ok human you can let me back in the flat now’. Busy day today …. think I’ll go to sleep now ….
I’m planning on putting on a show for the Pope …. my human works nearby Westminster Cathedral he’ll probably go there …. the first half will feature lots of kittens in Buzby Berkley type dance routines featuring them putting their paws over the ears, eyes, mouths and genitals; the second half will feature cats who love cats (if you get my meaning) in Busby Berkley type dance routines featuring them putting over thier ears, eyes, mouths and genitals. The finale will be when I nominate myself, a gay female cat as the next Pope.
Do you think he’ll like it?
My human has given me my freedom …. she’s taken my collar off …. though these days I prefer sleeping on her bed than patrolling my territory.
Last night my human shut me in the coat cupboard …. cat’s of the world unite against this treatment !! To be fair she didn’t mean it and I’d never ventured into that cupboard before so she wasn’t expecting me to be in there.
Today; when my human had left for the day I relaxed with day time tv and the radio, I slept a lot of course sprawled out on the bed; thought about my human out there somewhere working hard to earn the money to buy my meat and collars.
Hello world …. it’s nice to have this space to stretch my paws and after a few taps I can communicate with you all outside of my usual array of meaows and purrs and face taps. I’m getting good at tapping her face to get her up, or her leg when she’s sat down somewhere … I communicate also be trying to lead her where she needs to go to feed, but she seems to think I’m just getting in her way. I slept a lot again today, lovely … and this evening I went out with her into the garden for a few minutes, following her around then coming back in. I couldn’t persuade her to feed me more meat so I went back to sleep.
thank you to everyone who’se come to look at my blog and thank you for the comments you left me.
tired now …. have a good day everyone … zzzzzzz …..
Yeah whatever … so my human has to go out to work all day … am I bothered?
My Second Favourite Lap purrrr ....
My second favourite lap has gone missing ….. this human has a strange accent !! 
Yawn …. it’s been a busy day …. I went outside today, my human disappeared out the gate so I settled under my usual bush then a few minutes later she was back …. as she opened the front door I weighed up my options I could stay outside lying on the dirty soil under a bush or I could lie on her bed … so although she seemed to think I should stay out and “get some fresh air once in a while” I scooted between her legs, zipped around the door and hauled my beautiful backside on to her bed …. zzzzz ….. I ignored her the next time she called me to go out ….. very wise cat, I am.
I’m off to my bed now …. night all … xx
Watching my human reading yet another new book on art.
For goodness sake woman do you need yet another book … I don’t really mind when it keeps your lap available to me but when the books spill onto MY foot stool …. that’s too much …..
I yawn and scratch my ear with my back foot … just because I can and human’s can’t …. and realise I’m feeling a political puss right now … need to think about the state of the world and in particular the price of cat food …. I’ll get back to you when I’ve come up with some answers ….
Image via Wikipedia
Look at this poor animal forced to feed on dry biscuit …. rebel and stand up for your meet and your fish …. Save the British fishing industry, refuse to eat dry biscuit !
On her radio today …. I heard how different newspapers were reported on the mega buck banker coming to take over Barclays, most thought it was the banks back to their bad old days. The Telegraph however thought it was brave bold and good move by Barclays. My litter tray needs lining, now where’s the nearest Telegraph.
Image by louisa_catlover via Flickr
Pensive and pondering the history of my species … particularly as it is the 70th anniversary of the Battle of Britain and the Blitz. London has a lovely curving sculpture that commemorates animals involvement in the war, which more so than any human was none of our making. I want to remember my ancestors, how cats helped to make life just a little easier.The black and white photo below shows cats provided comfort, the moggy was important enough not to be shooed out of the picture before it was taken. We don’t ‘work’ but my ancestors, the cats did bring comfort and a little needed softness to the horror struck lives of the humans they lived with or saw on thier travels.
Image via Wikipedia
Image by Australian War Memorial collection via Flickr
My human sent me a letter today she tells me that for the past year she’s been giving me too much food and now she’s realised her mistake she’s decided I must ‘pay her back’ and so for the next year she’s going to reduce my portions by the amount she thinks are appropriate installments.Hold on there just one whisker picking moment !!!
You make giant mistakes for a whole year and now you say I have to trust you to work out how much Felix cat food I have to pay back !!! You, you … you big non furry giant when do I get a say in this situation; just because I’m a single small elderly cat that doesn’t mean you have the right to walk all over me (even thought I get under your feet sometimes). You wait and see you withold my food I’ll earn more on the cat black market – see how your system copes with that.
I’m going to find a job! I’m going to buy my own cat litter … I heard that all of the humans finances are in a toilet ewwwww ….. so that’s one less toilet for my human to have to worry about.
Anyone got a job for a sleeping cat; I’ll sleep on your lap for an hour or at the end of your bed for three in exchange for a bag of litter. Pimp my cuteness purrrr.
